This is possibly the last post I will write on my wife, further developments aside, or at least one specific future development. Very shortly after I met my wife, Paula Simmons Khier Vanzetti What’s-Her-Name on Facebook in July of 2009, I told her I was transgendered. Copying and pasting, and omitting irrelevant details, emails not obscured because they are defunct, and not correcting typos:
I realized that there are many things we have not discussed. Considering my very real fondness for you, I decided that I owed you all the details that might affect your feelings for me. This is always a difficult question, because I prefer to allow someone to get to know me before delving into these things, so that labels and such do not blind one to the person that I am.
I am talking to you in complete confidence and trust now. And I’m taking it on faith that you won’t betray that trust. I believe you are an honorable, loving person, who clearly knows what is important in life.
The truth is that I am a transgender person. That is, I have medically and legally transitioned from female to male. Although definitely on the short side, no one *ever* questions my male identity. I like to think of this as having certain advantages because I understand the experiences of needs of women, and yet a male zeitgeist fits me better. My birth certificate has been amended, as has my passport. There is absolutely no legal document that registers my female past. Thus, I understand the much about the socialization of women, but with an entirely different perspective from men born as raised as men. Someone, whoever she may be, will hopefully see the value in this. And I hope it might be you.
I’ll be awaiting your reply with hope and concern!
Your Teddy ♥
Paula’s response, same caveats (email addresses defunct):
before i start i want to thankyou for trusting me with such difficult and hard issues you have. in fact right now i sit here crying because its hurts me that you have been thro so much.
you are a very courageous person and i am very grateful for the honesty and to be honest it does not change a thing at all. i have had a very hard life too but for other reasons which right now i wont bother you with i think for now you need to worry about you babe. in time i will tell you but now is not that time.
i have grown very fond of you over these last few days we have been talking to be honest it wont change un less you want to stop it. altho i hope you dont and i would love so much to see you and talk face to face so go get that cam and get msn sorted lol.
take care babe,
all my love hugs and a big kiss.xxxxx
from the one and only.xxxxx
Soon after this, we had the infamous incident in which Paula decided to masturbate on the webcam when she could only hear me, but I could see and hear her. As I’ve written, the “oldest trick in the book,” but I was lonely and was dubious that a cisgendered woman would ever be interested in me, so I fell for it.
I made my first visit to the UK to meet Paula face-to-face, in the flesh, arriving on my birthday in October or 2009. Lots of intimacy, and Paula claimed that she had never had an orgasm with anyone before. That first visit, I was introduced to Paula’s rages, and had to resort to going to the home of a Facebook acquaintance in the middle of the night. But I pushed aside the “red flag” and interpreted it as Paula being justifiably tired.
The most strange aspect of the visit was that Paula’s parents came to her house. I was sitting on the living room sofa and they all went into the kitchen to talk. Paula did not introduce me to her parents, and they ignored my cheerful wave “goodbye” as they walked out the door.
Paula and I were married in July of 2010. Because Paula had lied to me about owning her home, I was delayed in moving to the UK for a full year after we were married. Paula herself never told me the truth, and never would have; I learned it by accident from her cousin.
When we were married, I was completely mystified as to why Paula’s parents didn’t call to wish us well, or at least talk to the man their daughter was marrying to get to know him first-hand. In fact, I never even had any contact with them until her disastrous visit to the US in September of 2010, which I had discouraged. Her father called me, asking me to let her know that she was in danger of losing her children to social services, and the whole purpose of her trip was not because she “missed me” as she’d claimed — I’d only just left from my month with her in the UK in August of 2010. No, the real purpose of her trip to the US was to disrupt her parents’ plans to travel to Canada to see her siblings, something of which I was totally unaware. After that telephone call from her father, I had no dealings with her parents until well after I’d moved to the UK.
Once I’d moved over, I was still mystified as to why they didn’t even want to meet me. Paula was finally forced to give me some kind of explanation. She told me that her mother had gotten into her email account and had found out that I was transgendered by reading that email I’d sent. She said they would come around eventually. And they did.
More recently, I received an email from Paula’s sister:
Hxxxx Oxxxxx <firstname.lastname@example.org> Sep 14, 2014
Ok first of all I had said before it was me she told that to and thats the story that then went around as I spoke to my mum after she had said that to me but thats NOT why we were off with you at all Terry. What had got us all twisted up was because we knew about you long before she told us. She abandoned her kids with someone we already knew to be a problem and left to the states to marry you a man she hadnt even told us about. We found out from posts on facebook. that she had a partner and that she was intending to get married all of it was kept from my mum and dad. NOONE knew other then those she had pulled into it. Not to mention before she left for her trip to the states the one we didnt know about she had coned my parents out of more money giving some lame excuse when reality was she needed spending money any penny she had when she was there was from my parents any new cloths she brought was from the money they gave her for food.
You see? Paula had told her family I had deceived her about being transgendered. Her mother hadn’t pilfered through Paula’s email as she claimed. She’d left her children in the care of someone known to be problematic by social services (Nikki), didn’t inform them that she was coming to the US to get married, scammed money off of her parents for the trip, and at some point explained the visit by saying I’d had a heart attack!
Not only that, but if you go back and read my old posts, you’ll see the incident where I discovered that Paula had put up a dating profile on Smooch.com two months before we were married, but claimed that Nikki had put up the profile to catch her boyfriend cheating on her. That one was debunked when Nikki’s boyfriend sent me a despicably transphobic note on Facebook during the month we were married. So not only had Paula broken my confidence with her family but also with Nikki and her boyfriend as well.
If you’ve read my posts on things to do with being transgendered, especially the one that mentions the murder of Brandon Teena, you’ll realize that no sane transgendered person would go to a foreign country to meet a woman, and let that woman find out in a moment of intimacy that they were transgendered! You will also see that this is an unforgivable act of betrayal on Paula’s part, to break my confidence, and to do so with a lie. But more importantly, you will see that she was deceiving me from the start, already sabotaging our marriage. This is planned, intentional exploitation.
Paula lied about anything and everything, including the details of Lotfi having been sent to prison. (Demand to see the arrest records and verification of whatever he was supposedly sentenced for!) She even told me she had a brain tumor!
To be blunt, there isn’t anything Paula hasn’t lied about, and that’s to everyone, not just to me, and that includes Claire, as can be seen from the first graphic in this post — “u know Claire knows nothing.”
I’ve already provided what I call “hard evidence” in prior posts, and I could go on and on. Some things I won’t touch, because they are unimaginably horrific and too many people would be hurt, but you can read between the lines. No, I didn’t leave Paula owing her any money — it was the other way around, and you’ve seen a few of my Western Union receipts. Yes, Paula was physically violent with me, but I won’t repeat the MARAC report. I’ll repeat this one:
And this one, where she admits hitting me:
I could again add the Skype screenshots from January of 2013, telling me she had broken up with “Cassie” AKA Claire because she “loved me,” but I won’t bother. Paula didn’t have Parkinson’s when she was at the clinic with her dying mother, nor was she at her mother’s bedside when she died. Nor did she pay funeral expenses, as she told me on Skype. Paula even seemed to have manufactured a baby that didn’t exist.
All these lies, deception, cheating, physical violence, and betrayal from a woman who took sacred vows with me… For the sole purpose of getting what money she could from someone who was disabled, in his 50s, and had little to spare. If my posts have been emotional at times, perhaps you can understand why. My dog, Otis, is “destroyed,” my life’s savings are squandered, and my heart has been broken, because I took those vows seriously and never strayed from them. What can you call someone who engages in this level of purposeful destruction? I can only think of one word — psychopath.
I am sorry for anyone I’ve unintentionally hurt, but the truth has to be told. It’s not just about me; children’s lives are at stake. I had not intended to do this post in quite this way, but I’ve grown tired of waiting for things that were promised to me, so I went with what I had (or part of it). The last chapter isn’t written yet, but this may well be the next-to-last chapter. I was a fool for believing Paula, and anyone who believes her now is a fool, and they will find out sooner or later what she is capable of. The “wheels” haven’t turned, and I haven’t been arrested, nor my blog taken down, as was threatened.
No songs with this post — none are appropriate.
If there are any FTM or transmasculine-identified folks out there who have stumbled across my blog, are on Facebook, and if you have been a victim of domestic violence, rape, or abuse, please go to my “About” link and shoot me an email. I’ll tell you how to find us. For starters, you can go to the Trans-Masculine Abuse Project page, but we have a secret group where you can seek peer support and be assured that your privacy is respected.
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