Once Upon A Time…

Once Upon A Time

Powerful words, “Once upon a time..”  Yes, once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I was a little girl who hated my curly locks, and wanted to grow up to be a cowboy.  I dreamed of many things.  Growing up in the Deep South, a white child, I heard people called “colored,” and “Negro,” and much worse when their skin was darker than mine.

John Howard Griffin had published Black Like Me in 1961, but I didn’t know that because I was only 5 years old.  Yet I must have had his same questions because I found one of my mother’s dented saucepans and took it outside in the back yard.  I scooped up handfuls of soft, brown earth and heaped it in the pan.

When the pan was 3/4 filled, I grasped the water hose and added clear liquid, stirring my mixture till it might have been mistaken for fudge ready for the oven.  I dipped my little hands in the pot and smeared the mud on my legs, my arms, my face.  I wanted to know what it would feel like to be a black person.  No, not in a derogatory sense.  I admired their strength under hard circumstances (what bits I understood), and they seemed unshakeable, connected, family to each other.

I tried a similar experiment about the same time.  In the bedroom, I pulled open the drawer of the old maple dresser where my mother kept her make-up (except it wasn’t old furniture back then; it was only “old” the last time I saw it, in 2003).  Slipping off the lid, I gently twisted the lipstick until the rose-colored tip was exposed.  Then I smeared the creamy goo all over my face.  Now I was an “Indian” looking back in the mirror, expecting to stare down the Lone Ranger or Davy Crockett or Daniel Boone…

Too much imagination makes one a dreamer.

I bought my very first 45rpm record with my very own earned-money (from baby-sitting) in 1970.  It was ABC by the Jackson 5.  Would have been about 13 years old.  Thereafter, I loved just about every Motown song that was released (and earlier ones as well).


Some Motown hits….

Well, I didn’t grow up to be a cowboy, or an “Indian,” or a black person.  I wasn’t a princess who “once upon a time…”  I was someone who took on the label “lesbian,” and later transitioned from female to male.  I didn’t want to be a fairy with a magic wand.  I wanted to be an ordinary guy with a wife and kids, and grandkids some day.  That was my fairy tale.

When I met my wife-to-be, I thought I’d wakened into my dream.  One frosty night, once upon a time, white powdery snow, tinted indigo blue from the starlit ski, kissed the grass and the asphalt of the streets.

Paula and I dimmed the lights, sipped Bailey’s Irish Cream, cranked up my old Motown favorites (and other songs we shared), and swayed to the music, blended together, two hearts beating as one.  It was the first time I had danced with a woman “as-a-man,” and certainly the first time I had danced with a woman as-a-husband.  The world had become magical.

Sadly, the rest is not “once upon a time,” but “could’ve been.”

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About DogDharma

Dog Dharma is written by a human who loves dogs and who believes dogs have attained enlightenment. The human behind Dog Dharma came from humble origins, has faced many trials, enjoyed many adventures, and taken a path less traveled. He claims no special privilege or expertise, and remains humble. Dog Dharma‘s author has learned a few things along the way, and has much yet to learn. He has been told by many people that he has a talent for writing, and aspires to write a book, but is a little too lazy and disorganized, so his blog will suffice for now. He opens a window into his life in the hope that some of his words may be of comfort, some may be a beacon or warning, and perhaps he will connect with like-minded souls. Everything shared comes from a place of openness and honesty, but with no claim that he possesses the Truth. People and places mentioned should be taken as pseudonyms. In many cases, details may be an amalgamation of actual events disguised to protect the “innocent.” Nothing written is to be taken as actual fact, but as the author of Dharma Dog‘s limited understanding. From the mouths of the Beatles: In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make
This entry was posted in FTM, gay, GLBT, lesbian, Motown, music, once upon a time, psychopath, psychopathy, transgender, transgendered and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Once Upon A Time…

  1. Lesboi says:

    I hope you get to live that dream out in reality with a woman who deserves you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • DogDharma says:

      We’ll see, Lesboi. One never knows. I might ought to stick to dogs (of the canine variety). Thank you for understanding and being my friend, though. I’m not sure one can take the “dream” out of the dreamer.


  2. krisalex333 says:

    I think you should change the ” could have been” to “meant to be,” as I am sure someone who was meant to be with you “happily ever after,” is waiting for you to awake her from her sleep. Take care. Will mail soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • DogDharma says:

      I have a funny post in mind on that topic, Kris. It has to do with dating websites. Maybe next Halloween I will dress up as a frog and wait for a princess to come to my door and kiss me. 🙂 Looking forward to the email, but get out and enjoy your summer weather because I’m getting frostbite here. 🙂


  3. krisalex333 says:

    But in the meantime, canines are the best company.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. DogDharma says:

    Kris, well, that’s 53.6F and we are supposedly at 43F but I don’t believe it. Feels much colder in my house; maybe I should actually get dressed? :-p


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