Throw a Stone — Only Because I Love You

Stone

This is going to be a longer-than-usual post, but please bear with me.  I hope it will be fruitful for you and cathartic for me.  It will sure as hell be painful to write…  First, I have to set the stage.

Yesterday, I clacked out my article on the keyboard, We All Need a “Mother”.  (Period before or after quotation mark — what did my English teacher say?  I always hold to period before, but it doesn’t work in this case.)

In a post from earlier this last summer (Death of a Dream — Suicide, Part 6), I wrote about my near-fatal suicide attempt in November of 2011.  It was a scathingly honest sharing of my last attempt to take my own life, although I believe my ability to craft words has improved since I wrote it.  To summarize, I was in the clutches of my psychopathic wife, in a foreign country (England), legally blind, and with no friends to turn to for help after the abuse had escalated to physical violence.  I was on life support and very nearly died.  The only way out I could find was to abolish my very existence.  Much more to the story, but that’s the thumbnail.

I have a cousin I’ll call Noreen.  Bear in mind that the only family I had left besides my distant cousins was my narcissistic mother (?) who passed away in February of 2012, three months after this suicide attempt.  Noreen was and is a fundamentalist Baptist Christian who had condemned me for years because I was a lesbian (and later transitioned from female to male, FTM).

Noreen never telephoned me, never visited me, never wished me happy birthday, and said not one word of condolence after my mother passed away.  But before that, she did send me ugly spam emails with no personal words to me included.  When she sent me a spam email equating all Muslims to the anti-Christ, I finally had to ask her stop sharing her tripe with me.

After my suicide attempt, Noreen sent me an email with the subject “Only because I love you.

Only because I love you email - edited

I’ve obscured her email address, but as you can see, there were no words of comfort — just an attachment for me to read.  The attachment was titled What Does God Say About Homosexuality?  Warning: Don’t read this material if you are GLBTQ* and easily triggered.  It is a religious screed against gay people and the type of thing I grew up with.  Just a few quotes from the article, and I advise skimming past the quotes if you have been abused by the church:

Where did Aids begin? Why is Aids so prevalent in Africa? Brother Andrew, now working in Africa and environs, in one of his reports sadly lamented that Africa’s problem is worse than presented for its inhabitants are deeply involved in an insatiable practice of promiscuity of fornication as well as homosexuality. It appears it is an incurable plague.

Aids first appeared in the homosexual culture, and we know that each of these men mate up with over 200 homosexual partners per year. Naturally, now Aids is everywhere for many of these men are bisexual and have passed on to women and children the deserve of their despicable sin. Aids was introduced into the world by homosexuals, even though they deny it, of course.

Surely, the civil government should condemn and punish this abominable activity. Not only because the Bible require so, but also because society has to defend itself from destructive crimes. This vile activity is not a private affair and should not be treated as such for the propagators of this crime are also looking for new meat, our children, to introduce then in the rounds, just as drug dealers do (and do not tell me that it is not true for we all have had personal experience about this).

It is sufficiently evident, also proven by science, that homosexuality is learned, it is not genetically acquired, even though the sodomites, the media, and society would want us believe otherwise, so to claim: “it is not our fault”. But the Lord says the opposite in His Word. Whom do you believe, God or man?

To promote, encourage or to participate in homosexual acts is a grave offence against God. Homosexual Pastors/Elders and homosexual churches must be particularly offensive to God, since they promote sodomy and validate the sodomites in their sin. The homosexuals, instead of being encouraged in their sin need to have proclaimed…

Some using “God has” suggests that homosexuals cannot be saved. Obviously homosexuality is not unpardonable sin and we know that the Lord Jesus Christ has died for all sins of His own: And she will bear a son, and you shall call His name Jesus, for He shall save His people from their sins. (Matthew 1:21)

Having said that, we quickly add that a homosexual truly converted to Christ will not remain as such, but he will repent of that sin and will reject it completely. This means that a homosexual Christian is an impossible thing.

Homosexuality is to be condemned and punished by the Civil Government as a cancer in society: If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. (Leviticus 20:13)

There is so much wrong with this article that I gasp in despair!!  Gay people caused AIDS??  I guess “we” caused Ebola and the Black Death and cancer as well.  The promiscuity of gay men… what about lesbians??  Equating gay people to pedophiles???  And stoned to death!?!?!?

Never mind I received this email from my “perfect, unsinning, loving Christian” cousin after my suicide attempt, a certain example of Christ’s love.  Never mind I had transitioned to male, was legally married, and no longer a lesbian.  What was I supposed to do?  Divorce my wife (another sin!), transition back to female, and find a husband?

Never mind that true Christians continue in all sorts of sin, but the only one routinely and historically railed about from the pulpit of fundamentalist churches is being gay.  I have yet to hear of a fundamentalist preacher leading demonstrations against adultery and carrying signs saying “God hates adulterers,” which I personally believe is a more egregious sin by far (except I don’t believe being gay is a sin at all), let alone the other sins mentioned in Leviticus.  The science is wrong, the facts are wrong, and it’s baloney!  My God is a God of Love:

A Sinful Woman Anoints Jesus
37And there was a woman in the city who was a sinner; and when she learned that He was reclining at the table in the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster vial of perfume, 38and standing behind Him at His feet, weeping, she began to wet His feet with her tears, and kept wiping them with the hair of her head, and kissing His feet and anointing them with the perfume. 39Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet He would know who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, that she is a sinner.”

So I tread my little path back to Jesus, haltingly but firmly.  Because of attitudes like the above, GLBTQ* people have too often had no choice but to turn away from Christianity.  I was one of those when I was a teenager, in part because of the treatment I received from my cousin, Noreen.  I won’t be deterred again.  There has been an unbridgeable gulf between being gay or transgendered and being Christian which is thankfully changing, and with Pope Francis, the Catholic church is now among the forefront.

I decided to share last night’s post on an FTM group I subscribe to on Facebook.  I prefaced it with, “Guys, if you have been turned off by Christianity, as I know many of us have, I thought I’d share my latest blog post. (I hope people aren’t minding that I’m sharing my posts — feel free to ignore.)”  The response I got was startling, unexpected, and … I don’t know.  Just a select few comments I received:

  • “I mind very much if anyone posts religious things here. GLBTQ people have been hunted and persecuted and killed by religious people for thousands of years and it still continues which makes it quite inappropriate. While this is a group that allows most things I would think that the most devisive and volatile topics like religion and politics would be best avoided.”
  • “Thank you for this. I need it.”
  • “I consider myself two spirited, which means I bring my spiritual beliefs with me into all my conversations about gender. My spirituality plays a huge role in my life. I would hate to see this group limit speech about organized spirituality, it would leave me feeling like an outsider again.”
  • “I personally don’t see how this post is anything but religious SPAM or hawking some kind of agenda. Especially Catholic? Really? The priest that baptizrd me, my fathrr and my brothrr called me a “sinner worthy of my eternity in hell” . Sweet guy, really. Wish I coukd see more inages of icons from a religion that has meant nothing but abuse for me. I would be fine with, “hey guys, here’s my blog where I talk about my Catholic faith” (no thumnail of the BVM, please. I think it’s safe to say many in the GLBTQIA community have had a lot of abuse and alienation from religion. As. a Trans* group where some of us fit more than one of those letters, posting sonething like thst with that thumbnail, knowing it coukd be hurtful is fucked up and defonately doesn’t make me feel safe. Go peddle your beliefs elsewhere.”

If you don’t see how the church has damaged and abused GLBTQ* people, you can see it clearly here.  This is exactly the chasm I was trying to bridge.

I first heard this song in one of those fundamentalist Baptist churches that preached hellfire and damnation to gay people.  I believed the song until I saw the hypocrisy, and turned away, but now I believe it again, and it is one of my favorite hymns:

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About DogDharma

Dog Dharma is written by a human who loves dogs and who believes dogs have attained enlightenment. The human behind Dog Dharma came from humble origins, has faced many trials, enjoyed many adventures, and taken a path less traveled. He claims no special privilege or expertise, and remains humble. Dog Dharma‘s author has learned a few things along the way, and has much yet to learn. He has been told by many people that he has a talent for writing, and aspires to write a book, but is a little too lazy and disorganized, so his blog will suffice for now. He opens a window into his life in the hope that some of his words may be of comfort, some may be a beacon or warning, and perhaps he will connect with like-minded souls. Everything shared comes from a place of openness and honesty, but with no claim that he possesses the Truth. People and places mentioned should be taken as pseudonyms. In many cases, details may be an amalgamation of actual events disguised to protect the “innocent.” Nothing written is to be taken as actual fact, but as the author of Dharma Dog‘s limited understanding. From the mouths of the Beatles: In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make
This entry was posted in bisexual, FTM, gay, GLBT, lesbian, LGBT, MTF, spirituality, throw a stone, transgender, transgendered and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Throw a Stone — Only Because I Love You

  1. Pingback: It’s Okay | Dog Dharma's Blog

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