Trust, from Merriam-Webster:
: belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.
: to believe that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc. : to have confidence in (someone or something)
: to believe that something is true or correct
: to be uncertain about (something) : to believe that (something) may not be true or is unlikely
: the state of being or feeling certain about something
The lies told by a psychopath double-back on themselves so many times that the beginning cannot be distinguished from the end. Trust is freely given in the beginning, because we do not expect to meet someone who will lie about anything and everything, such that they are a phantom, a putrid husk of a person. To deceive on purpose?? Unthinkable — it’s not the way normal human beings operate. We are told these things:
- You are my soul mate.
- I love you so much, I’d die for you.
- We are going to be a happy family. My kids adore you and they call you “daddy.”
- It doesn’t matter that when I’m 60, you’ll be 74 — I’ll take care of you.
- You’re transgendered? You’re a man to me.
- I was raped, abused, battered … pity me.
- Those things you are finding out… People are lying to you; you should believe your wife.
- No one has ever given me an orgasm before.
- What, that dating profile you found 2 months before we married? Nikki put that up to catch her boyfriend in cheating.
And so it goes… You feel like you are being strangled by the Möbius strip. The pile of lies grows so tall, you are living in a fog. You stop asking questions because there are too many questions to ask. You couldn’t explain to anyone what happened to you unless they’d been sitting on your shoulder watching the whole thing. The gas-lighting, the silent treatment, the unbridled rage, the violence… You begin to doubt your own sanity. All trust has been broken, irretrievably, irrevocably. You are thick in the middle of doubt.
But then… There’s that one last lie that topples the heap. The pieces tumble into place over time, with no contact, and slowly-slowly-slowly, the Möbius strip rights itself flat. You seek out answers, with epiphany followed by epiphany. Now I understand why she said / did this… Now I understand why she said / did that… If you are lucky (and I was lucky), you cross paths with a victim who came before you or a victim who came after you. You have suffered, but you have moved from trust to doubt to certainty.
My wife never admitted hitting me the first time. But she admitted it the second time, in her own words, in an email sent to me:
Some quotes on trust:
“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
“It was a mistake,” you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.”
― David Levithan, The Lover’s Dictionary
“You see, you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too–even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.”
― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie
“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.”
― George MacDonald
“For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first.”
― Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
“Loving someone is giving them the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to.”
― Julianne Moore
“Love is a verb, not a noun. It is active. Love is not just feelings of passion and romance. It is behavior. If a man lies to you, he is behaving badly and unlovingly toward you. He is disrespecting you and your relationship. The words “I love you” are not enough to make up for that. Don’t kid yourself that they are.”
― Susan Forward, When Your Lover Is a Liar: Healing the Wounds of Deception and Betrayal
“You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.”
― Abraham Lincoln
“Trusting is hard. Knowing who to trust, even harder.”
― Maria V. Snyder, Poison Study
“The words ‘I Love You’ kill, and resurrect millions, in less than a second.”
― Aberjhani, Elemental: The Power of Illuminated Love
“I may be stupid, as you say, to believe in honour and friendship and loyalty without price. But these are virtues to be cherished, for without them we are no more than beasts roaming the land.”
― David Gemmell, Shield of Thunder
“When you give yourself to me, completely, I will bite you. Until then, my love, I will only nibble on you.”~Cole”
― Tina Carreiro, Power of the Moon
“You lie once.. you lie for the rest of your life… and in quest of proving your innocence.. you pledge your honesty with utter lies…. !!!”
― Abhijeet Sawant, Aapka Abhijeet
If things don’t add up, if you can’t get an answer to a simple question, if what first seemed like radiant sunlight turns to gloomy fog, put your trust in yourself. Take heed — psychopaths are dangerous. It’s no joke, no hyperbole, no exaggeration, and no lie.
Here is the trailer from the movie Doubt:
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