I Made a Mistake

I Made a Mistake

I have been ruminating about last night’s post.  The post about whether psychopaths / sociopaths / narcissists / “pick your favorite label” can change.  I feel like I’ve done a disservice to my followers who are survivors, and especially to those survivors who are early in the healing process.  I pondered deleting the post, but had decided to leave it in place.  The post was really meant for survivors who are securely and soundly on their path toward healing, as a thinking point for the causes, dynamics, and realities of psychopathy, and for those who like to indulge in in theoretical and analytical discussions.

As I wrote, conventional wisdom holds that psychopaths (“pick your favorite label”) don’t change.  From what I have read, this is the view widely-held by survivors, “experts,” academicians, researchers, therapeutic practitioners, and the odd commentator.  It is true in my personal experience that psychopaths do not change no matter what anyone does.

Entertaining the belief that psychopaths can change is dangerous for those still mired in psychopathic relationships and for those early on the healing path!  This is why I’m saying, “Ooops, I made a mistake.”


Because psychopaths will twist your whole-hearted wish that they will change back to their love-bombing selves against you.  Apologies are rare, but if you get one, it is sure to be fake.  They aren’t done milking you of whatever they have gained and what remains that they hope to eke from you before they move on to the next target — your money, your innocence, the facade of a happy family / marriage, etc.  They will promise they have changed, and yet you’ll soon see that nothing whatsoever has changed.  In fact, the more times you accept the feigned apologies and the promises of change, the worse things will get.  They will up the ante and see how much more they can get away with.

If you are struggling to understand the psychopathic relationship — is s/he or isn’t s/he? — do not entertain the idea that change is possible.  Psychopaths are evil, and there are no limits to what they will do.  In the beginning months, though I sensed danger, I didn’t really believe my wife would hit me — but she did.  I did not anticipate that she would exploit me to the point I was so trapped and hopeless that I would attempt to take my own life — but she did.  I certainly didn’t foresee that while I was on life support, she would consult an attorney to find out if our marriage would override my last will, which was still made out to my previous partner — but she did.

I was fortunate; I’m still here to tell the story.  Some are not so lucky, and we can’t ask them, “What were the warning signs that your psychopath was going to do the ultimate?”  For your own safety, give up on notions of “change.”  Let the scientists and the philosophers puzzle it out.

I may yet delete that previous post, but for now, please heed my warning.  Psychopaths are dangerous, and you should not underestimate what they will do.

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Dog Dharma is written by a human who loves dogs and who believes dogs have attained enlightenment. The human behind Dog Dharma came from humble origins, has faced many trials, enjoyed many adventures, and taken a path less traveled. He claims no special privilege or expertise, and remains humble. Dog Dharma‘s author has learned a few things along the way, and has much yet to learn. He has been told by many people that he has a talent for writing, and aspires to write a book, but is a little too lazy and disorganized, so his blog will suffice for now. He opens a window into his life in the hope that some of his words may be of comfort, some may be a beacon or warning, and perhaps he will connect with like-minded souls. Everything shared comes from a place of openness and honesty, but with no claim that he possesses the Truth. People and places mentioned should be taken as pseudonyms. In many cases, details may be an amalgamation of actual events disguised to protect the “innocent.” Nothing written is to be taken as actual fact, but as the author of Dharma Dog‘s limited understanding. From the mouths of the Beatles: In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make
This entry was posted in danger, mistake, murder, psychopath, psychopathy, suicide, warning and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to I Made a Mistake

  1. healingnarc says:


    I am that narc, and I will say that there are MANY MANY TIMES where the mask I wore had tears in its eyes and malice in its heart. I have to fight it now every time it tries to rise up within me, but the strength of my conviction will not be withered or worn away!

    It’s absolutely true though – psychopaths (including me) will rip your heart out time and time and time again… It’s really not fair to allow those of you who have lived through our horror show to entertain hope that your narc may be different… He or She is NOT different – or changed – or better. IT IS ALL A GAME!

    My story doesn’t have an ending yet… but being truly awake to my disorder gives me just two choices. Let go of my demon OR CONCIOUSLY CHOOSE TO BECOME IT! I refuse to let myself take the second path – a path that destroys lives and people over and over again! It’s unfathomable to be AWARE and PURPOSELY still do these things… to still behave this way.

    So – in essence, I agree… DO NOT TRUST A NARC (or psychopath) NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY OR DO. Hopefully a few years from now I’ll have a different position to share on the subject.

    Liked by 1 person

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