I have been ruminating about last night’s post. The post about whether psychopaths / sociopaths / narcissists / “pick your favorite label” can change. I feel like I’ve done a disservice to my followers who are survivors, and especially to those survivors who are early in the healing process. I pondered deleting the post, but had decided to leave it in place. The post was really meant for survivors who are securely and soundly on their path toward healing, as a thinking point for the causes, dynamics, and realities of psychopathy, and for those who like to indulge in in theoretical and analytical discussions.
As I wrote, conventional wisdom holds that psychopaths (“pick your favorite label”) don’t change. From what I have read, this is the view widely-held by survivors, “experts,” academicians, researchers, therapeutic practitioners, and the odd commentator. It is true in my personal experience that psychopaths do not change no matter what anyone does.
Entertaining the belief that psychopaths can change is dangerous for those still mired in psychopathic relationships and for those early on the healing path! This is why I’m saying, “Ooops, I made a mistake.”
Because psychopaths will twist your whole-hearted wish that they will change back to their love-bombing selves against you. Apologies are rare, but if you get one, it is sure to be fake. They aren’t done milking you of whatever they have gained and what remains that they hope to eke from you before they move on to the next target — your money, your innocence, the facade of a happy family / marriage, etc. They will promise they have changed, and yet you’ll soon see that nothing whatsoever has changed. In fact, the more times you accept the feigned apologies and the promises of change, the worse things will get. They will up the ante and see how much more they can get away with.
If you are struggling to understand the psychopathic relationship — is s/he or isn’t s/he? — do not entertain the idea that change is possible. Psychopaths are evil, and there are no limits to what they will do. In the beginning months, though I sensed danger, I didn’t really believe my wife would hit me — but she did. I did not anticipate that she would exploit me to the point I was so trapped and hopeless that I would attempt to take my own life — but she did. I certainly didn’t foresee that while I was on life support, she would consult an attorney to find out if our marriage would override my last will, which was still made out to my previous partner — but she did.
I was fortunate; I’m still here to tell the story. Some are not so lucky, and we can’t ask them, “What were the warning signs that your psychopath was going to do the ultimate?” For your own safety, give up on notions of “change.” Let the scientists and the philosophers puzzle it out.
I may yet delete that previous post, but for now, please heed my warning. Psychopaths are dangerous, and you should not underestimate what they will do.
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