That gnawing ache in the back of your heart — and the TV won’t drown it out. Silence so thundering you long to hear the ping of a pin drop. You sit in a cluttered room of familiar objects — random papers unfiled, the empty bag of potato chips, floors needing to be swept — but you might as well be a speck of vapor in the vast dark universe. You turn to Facebook, and you see before you the clamor of humanity, everyone with a cause or an agenda or a drama or someone just wanting to tell you about their latest bowel movement — all screaming at the same time, “Look at me!! I’m here!! Please, look at me!!!”
So, I was gripped by this feeling, and it isn’t unfamiliar to me. One of my posts was a humorous jibe at arachnophobia using a popular Internet meme, (The TRUTH Finally Revealed (…and It Wants to Give You a Big Fat Hug!). Another post, Coulrophobia, was more serious. Tonight’s fear is more deadly and utterly serious — monophobia — the fear of being alone. (Autophobia may or may not be a synonym, but that sounds like a ‘fear of cars’ to me.)
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
n1. (Psychology) a strong fear of being alone
Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003
Although the dictionary defines it as an “abnormal” fear, it is anything but abnormal. See:
- Why people stay in bad relationships: They’re so scared of being alone, from the UK’s MailOnline
- Study Says Fear Of Being Alone Keeps People In Bad Relationships, from the Huffington Post
- The Fear of Being Alone, from zenhabits
Recognizing my feeling of dread, I pinpointed it to my terror of being alone. Did the usual thing — grabbed Google. Lots of tripe, when there really ain’t no quick fixes. Of course not … this is the human condition.
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” ~ Buddha
John 14:18 — “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”
We are social creatures who crave for connectivity, but we sink in out aloneness. We can do Part I, per Buddha, and seek peace within, finding out that we are not alone in a vast universe, but that a vast universe resides within us. And we can do Part II, per Jesus, and discover that we have never been alone at all — a loving Higher Power has been watching over us. (See Hound of Heaven.)
Both are necessary and neither are easy, to conquer monophobia. All the more difficult when we have been betrayed by someone or everyone in our family of origin and skewered by psychopaths. But you get my drift already, no? Leading up to my calamitous marriage to my psychopathic wife, one of my friends said to me, “There are worse things than being alone.”
“What??? What could be worse?” thinks me. I found out. Do not, do not not not, settle for a relationship with a psychopath to avoid being alone — or even a relationship with a garden-variety abuser. And if you’ve already stepped into the pile of doo-doo one too many times, wipe off your shoe and learn your lesson. Find the universe within, and love yourself. Let the excrement become the medicine for your healing. Know that an unseen Hand is guiding you.
Written with love ❤ from one who is still learning, and this…
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