After church today, I sauntered through the farmer’s market and stopped to photograph the colorful flowers above. This constitutes the “beauty” part of my post, and it sure as heck needs some beauty because the rest of it is UGLY.
I have struggled for some weeks about whether or not to make this post. There’s a fine line between seeking revenge and telling MY truth. I do not want to stray into revenge, because that’s my bad karma, that’s the business of a Higher Power, and psychopaths feel no shame for what they have done anyway. Revenge is useless and antithetical to healing. It gets us nowhere fast.
Yet what happened, HAPPENED. It wasn’t MY doing; I was a shocked if enthralled bystander. My third “real” post to my blog was published on June 4, 2014: The Early Days — How I Was Ensnared by My Psychopath. I wrote about how I’d met my wife-to-be on Facebook, and how she’d very quickly asked me if I had a webcam. I didn’t. I’d ordered headphones so we could speak to each other. My wife had a videocam so I could see her, but since I had no videocam, she could only hear me.
After only a couple of conversations, my wife-to-be announced, “I have a surprise for you.” It was HER choice, HER actions. I’d already opened up a great deal. Paula knew that my last relationship had ended in 2002, and that by the time we’d met on Facebook in mid-July 2009, I had had no serious relationships. She knew I was lonely. Didn’t matter to her that I was 14+ years older than her. She used the oldest trick in the book — sex — and proceeded to masturbate in front of me on camera.
To say I was appalled wouldn’t even cut it. Obvious question: What woman does that kind of thing? But I was also human, I couldn’t help but respond. Not literally, but emotionally. There’s been some commentary in the blogosphere lately about male victims of psychopaths versus female victims of a psychopath. My wife’s technique is one that will work for female psychopaths when men are vulnerable and lonely. I doubt it would seldom work for a male psychopath, as he’d immediately be labeled a pervert. But that was the first psychopathic volley I received…
So here is the “hard evidence” of what my wife did:
I apologize — I know it is not pretty. But it happened, and it happened to ME. Next day, I receive the following email from my wife-to-be:
From: paula khier [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sent: Wednesday, September 09, 2009 11:00 AM
Subject: RE: Morning (Here) Note
TO MY DARLING TEDDY,
OH MY, OH MY, OH MY, OH MY,
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE……………….YOU HAVE TO STOP WITH THE WORRYING. MY DARLING……………I LOVE YOU FOR YOU TOTALL UNCONDITIONAL LOVE……………………..AFTER EVERYTHING WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD I BE IF I WAS TO WALK AWAY OVER SOMETHING THAT MEANS TOTALLY NOTHING. IF IT DOES NOT BOTHER ME PLEASE DARLING DONT LET IT BOTHER YOU. MY HEART IS SO FULL OF LOVE FOR YOU NOTHING WILL CHANGE THAT.
I AM SOOOOOOOO PLEASED YOU HAD A GREAT SLEEP AND FEEL SO RESTED. I ALMOST OVER SLEPT AND HAD TO SHOOT OUT THE DOOR TO GET GLENDA [pseudonym] FROM SCHOOL BY CAB OR WOULD NEVER OF MADE IT LOL AND BEFORE YOU SAY SORRY PLEASE DONT IT WAS MY FAULT NOT YRS DARLING I HAD EVERY CHANCE TO SLEEP.
LAST NIGHT WAS SO TOTALLY SPECIAL FOR ME AS IT WAS FOR YOU. I WAS SO OVERCOME WITH EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS IT FELT SO WONDERFUL I NEVER WANTED IT TO END. I HAVE HAD A SMILE LIKE A CHESHIRE CAT ON MY FACE ALL DAY AND THATS WHERE ITS GOING TO STAY.
IF YOU WANT ME TO BE TOTALLY HONEST WITH YOU AND THATS HOW I WANT THINGS TO BE I POSSESS A VIBRATOR AND I DID USE IT AFTER I WENT TO BED. I WAS SO EXHILARATED BUT I AM GLAD THAT YOU FELT THE SAME AND NEEDED TO RELEASE AS WELL. DOES NOT MAKE ME FEEL SO BAD.
WELL MY DARLING YOU IN YRSELF ARE TOATLLY AWESOME. AS I HAVE SAID BEFORE I FELL FOR YOU AS YOU. BEFORE I KNEW ANY BACKGROUND ABOUT YR PAST. NONE OF IT IS AN ISSUE IN A RESPECTS BUT I DID TELL YOU I AM NOT A SKINY PERSON BUT NOR AM I OBESE BUT I AM CUDDLY NOT SURE IF THAT WILL BOTHER YOU DARLING BUT I HOPE NOT.
I AM GOING TO LEAVE YOU KNOW TO BE WITH YR FRIEND AND IF YOU GO OUT I REALLY HOPE YOU WILL ENJOY YR TIME. GLENDA IS GOING TO PUT SOME MAKE UP ON MY FACE LOL GOD FORBID BUT THAT WHATS SHE WANTS TO DO.
JUST LEAVES ONE THING FOR ME TO SAY DARLING.
I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH,
LOVE HUGS AND KISSES.
I’ll bet she DID have a “smile like a Cheshire cat” on her face!! Please note — my wife already knew I was lonely, much older than her, and vision-impaired. She also knew I was transgendered, another vulnerability. This last bit is what she is referring to in her first paragraph and further down in the email. I will have much more to say about that in a future post. For now, you can mull it over and perhaps read Trust.
So, yeah, met me on Facebook in mid-July 2009, and by September 7th, she was already in love with me but had never met me in person!!
It’s not about revenge — it’s about TRUTH. As sordid as it is, it HAPPENED. Honey….
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I’m made of glass
Like I’m made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper
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