I have written a lot of “negative” things about my wife, and all of them are the truth as I know it and as I experienced it. I’ve tried hard to document everything I’ve written with “hard proof,” not glorifying myself, but exposing my blemishes. I had more disappointment, hurt, and heartbreak than I thought one person could bear, both in my past and especially in my marriage to my wife.. I have always thought that my hardships were intricately linked to my gentleness, to treading upon the earth like a feather blown by the wind, and touching my sorrow brought forth any goodness I had in me.
But being with my wife has given me the gift of unleashing my words and my story, and for that I’m grateful. I see the world in a new and different way. I’m now aware that not all people are kind, with good intentions, which may sound dismal. But on the other side of the coin, I’ve learned that most people are far kinder than I knew. I’ve seen that I need to love myself more and better, and that in fact, I am lovable. I’ve seen a mysterious pattern whereby each time I think I’ve stumbled one step lower, some Force stronger than me has guided my path. I guess that would be God.
I clearly remember one conversation I had with my wife in which she explained to me the most amazing thing. I was very depressed that day. She told me that I saw the world in black and white and that I needed to see it in color. She wasn’t talking about black / white thinking as I understood her. She was talking about the wonderful kaleidoscope of color that surrounds us, even in simple moments. If I am one color, it is blue, not “blue” as in down or depressed, but blue as in indigo, sapphire, the sparkling azure of a sunny day, and the deep near-black of a starlit night. I can’t imagine a prettier color.
I can’t imagine how such wisdom could come from someone who made so many bad choices and did so many wrong things, any more than I can imagine how she had a voice like a choir of angels but used her talents to hurt and deceive people. But I’ll take the gift with gratitude.
If I stop and really, truly, honestly think about it, I have more to be thankful for than vast numbers of humans on this strange orb circling an unknown sun in a limitless universe. I have feet that walk, I have ears that hear, I have clean water to drink and a roof over my head … for now. I can feel the autumn chill kissing my skin, and when I flick the switch, I have light. I have a brain that romanticizes and tries to use my words like magic. Because words ARE magic. And I have YOU, my near 100 followers who indulge my stories, with over 3,000 views thus far. I will never be Shakespeare or Stephen King or any other famous writer, but my idle thoughts are reaching out to you and to the stardust, and maybe something I’ve said will make you smile today.
I found this video tonight and it made me feel better, you know, like maybe the glass is at least 3/4 full?
If it makes YOU feel better, the following is what I had for breakfast, eaten with a spoon out of the tub, no toast or anything on the side. It hardly compares to the perfect fried eggs and toast or crumpets my wife used to make for me in “better” days, but it is my triumph because I did it on my own, without being hurt or mistreated, and it filled my tummy.
Terms and Conditions of Use
All content provided on this DogDharma blog is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The owner of this blog makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this site or found by following any link on this site.