Say Something

A coin has two sides.  Yet there is one coin.  The curse of this human life is seeing both sides of the coin — nay, being both sides of the coin.   Or perhaps not?  Darkness in good, love in darkness.  The never-ending Tao:


I have not been and am not perfect on any standard, mine, yours, or the Divine.  I have never been able to conceive of complete darkness until now, and still I do not want to believe.  For every wrong, I can see a “right.”  And for every right, I can see a “wrong.”  Yet when I add them up, what I see is the accountant’s balance sheet that cries out, “Wrong!  Bad!  Wrong!”

I previously referenced an article that describes why we hurt the ones we most love.  Rather than seeing darkness only, I would so much prefer a world, a life, where that is the case.  That is something I can understand.  Lash out in cruelty when we are hurting.  But total evil from day #1?  How can it be, and I pity the soul….

I know there are the Ted Bundy’s of the world.  But they are as real as werewolves and Count Dracula and Frankenstein.  Inverted unicorns that frolic in blood-soaked fields.  Right?  Am I right?

I need you to say something.  Convince me again that this is a kaleidoscope universe, and not a dichotomous black-and-white concrete orb we live out our lives on.  My depth is deeper than any ocean, despite my personal flaws, deeper than the damnable blessed Atlantic I wanted to unplug once.  If I see the darkness in you, I must admit the tinge of gray in me.  There is lots of gray in me that wants to out-erupt the Icelandic volcano of 2010.  It will, it can, and it must, because I know too much, far more than I should know.

I can see your truth in a warped way, and warped it is when you add the balance sheets of the accountant.  Warped it isn’t when taken from your side of the coin only.  Only a fool declines to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong.”  And only a fool is true darkness.

So, say something.  Before this volcano erupts….  Not for your sake or mine or for the sake of “collateral damage,” but for the sake of integrity, honesty, truth, and sacred vows.

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About DogDharma

Dog Dharma is written by a human who loves dogs and who believes dogs have attained enlightenment. The human behind Dog Dharma came from humble origins, has faced many trials, enjoyed many adventures, and taken a path less traveled. He claims no special privilege or expertise, and remains humble. Dog Dharma‘s author has learned a few things along the way, and has much yet to learn. He has been told by many people that he has a talent for writing, and aspires to write a book, but is a little too lazy and disorganized, so his blog will suffice for now. He opens a window into his life in the hope that some of his words may be of comfort, some may be a beacon or warning, and perhaps he will connect with like-minded souls. Everything shared comes from a place of openness and honesty, but with no claim that he possesses the Truth. People and places mentioned should be taken as pseudonyms. In many cases, details may be an amalgamation of actual events disguised to protect the “innocent.” Nothing written is to be taken as actual fact, but as the author of Dharma Dog‘s limited understanding. From the mouths of the Beatles: In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make
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2 Responses to Say Something

  1. maggie says:

    Hi again
    Tis Maggie from t’other place 🙂
    Your posts are always thought provoking and yet again I’ve been thinking…
    This is not to criticise your thought processes believe me but you said ‘say something’ so here’s what I have to say…
    I’d like to work through your post if that’s okay??? Will do anyway so whether it is okay or not here we go…
    Perfect – Perfection
    Why do we seek perfection? What is so great about being perfect? Why should we want to be perfect? More importantly why do we look for it in others?
    We are the sum of our flaws. Our individuality is in large part each and every shortcoming we possess in our character. Perfection has nowhere to go but down into the abyss.
    It is a true saying that perfection is not something to aspire to when not even God (or your own individual perception of a greater being) sought such an ill-defined trait as is evidenced by our very existence – do you honestly think if perfection was desirable we – humans – life as it occurs – would have ever been allowed to continue? I think not! God (or whoever – whatever) would have clicked, highlighted the lot, then pressed delete on the 6th day of creation and started again.
    Light and darkness / right and wrong
    To a blind man light is darkness (sorry about that I know you have sight problems but I am sure you understand what I am saying and this is not aimed at you only – I beg your indulgence ). To someone who has lived in an underground dungeon for a decade a cave would be light while for someone who lived in the sunshine the same cave would be dark. It is all a matter of degrees.
    It is the same with right and wrong. Just because something feels right to me does not mean it is or that everyone else can find it in themselves to agree with me therefore to some I will be wrong while others will see my point, agree and thus in my eyes also be right.
    Hurting the ones we love / evil from day one
    We do not hurt the ones we love, they allow themselves to be hurt by us. The ones we love do not hurt us, we allow ourselves to be hurt by them. It is a sort of mutual permission highway where a subliminal authorisation is given one to the other to abuse or be abused on a mental level which we define as love. Love therefore is almost always guaranteed to mean pain. The sort of ‘love’ that is not pain is not love at all but respect, the most basic of human interaction necessities. People don’t fall into respect though do they ? – sadly.
    Evil from day one is much the same thing. We all have a different path to tread without a map, we all have to march to a different drum beat played on a non-existent drum with invisible drumsticks and we have to navigate our way along the potholes, the dips and rises, the twists and turns in the way prescribed before birth even though our minds are wiped with that first breath. It is hard and sometimes frustration overcomes the traveller who then thinks ‘sod it’ I’ll look out for me and me only. Other people take to the tedious journey with a reasonably glad heart and try to make allowances for the others on adjoining and sometimes interlinked paths. In my heart I truly believe that we are all whether good or bad, cruel and evil or gentle and caring, victims or aggressors only doing the best we can for ourselves first and foremost with the rest of mankind being either a hindrance or a blessing. It is not for us as individuals to judge anyone overly because ultimately we have all played a part in the receiving of good or bad in our relationships.
    Black / white and grey
    Even black, white and grey aligned in an arc would form a rainbow of sorts and rainbows no matter their hues or depth are magical if you only look hard at them.
    The balance sheet
    Who says it has to balance? Who says it is only from our individual perceptions that the credit and debit columns are created? By suffering or causing suffering in our life time we are simply one more notch on either column. Nobody ever promised life would be fair. Some suffer greatly some abuse greatly but the true balance sheet is one we cannot even begin to comprehend. I always feel that anything I have suffered in this life time has meant a better time for some other soul, somewhere in the long term ‘financial calculations’ of the balance sheet. It is not easy to feel pain, it is harder to feel pain constantly but it is a comfort to know that if nothing else I am doing my bit in bringing true equilibrium to the ultimate balance sheet.
    Only fool declines to say ‘I am sorry, I was wrong’ you write – but maybe they are not sorry, maybe in their perception, or their place in the innumerable paths of existence they were not wrong.
    Maybe there is no right and wrong, just a constant flow of ups and downs that add up somewhere to balance?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. DogDharma says:

    Hi Maggie,

    Thank you for considering my post thought-provoking. 🙂 It was meant to be exactly that, not only for those who might choose to read, but for myself also. I don’t pretend to have any “answers” — well, maybe a few. 🙂 Even our feelings shift from second to second, and feelings inform “opinions,” and ultimately our world view.

    This was a short post, but under the layers, it deals with some complex human issues that philosophers, theologians, judges, child protective services, police officers, and “ordinary” people have struggled with since time immemorial. I couldn’t even begin to respond to all your comments without writing volumes. So I’ll just touch on a few points.

    Perfection: No human is perfect by any standard. Or no one I’ve met, anyway. It’s my personal, spiritual view, that “we are here” to “perfect” ourselves as we go through life. Per-FECT, not PER-fect. And by “perfect” I don’t mean “become flawless,” I mean become more kind and gentle, more aligned with “goodness.” Speaking for myself, I am more inclined to demand “perfection” in myself than to demand it in others, more forgiving of others than toward myself. That’s my own Achilles heel, and something I’m learning about. I certainly don’t expect perfection in others, but I have learned, and am learning, to demand a certain level of respect, kindness, honesty, fair treatment, etc.

    Right / wrong: What you are describing seems to be pure moral relativism. I’m not a philosopher, so I don’t pretend any scholarly definition of my terminology. We have this little thing called “human consciousness” from which we view the entire cosmos through the lens of that little spark in our soul or heart, and so by nature, we’re going to be inclined to think that our own perspective is the “right” one. I have been a moral relativist on most issues, seem to have been “hatched” that way. But there are some things that are just plain wrong, I think. Without justification, no excuses. Murder is one of them. It’s the “easy” one. There are others. What is right and what is wrong is largely determined by circumstances. Stealing to get food for one’s starving children is less “wrong” than stealing for the thrill of it or stealing to buy that next drug high.

    Hurting the ones we love: I agree, we are always going to hurt the one we love, because we are not perfect. And because we all want to be loved and treated in a certain way, and no partner is never going to live up to, completely, our hopes for how we wish be treated and loved. True love is about forbearance, and not burdening our beloved with unfair and undue expectations, and accepting them as they are. BUT, as with right & wrong, there are some “hurts” that are acceptable and some that are not. Deception and lying is WRONG (in my book). No relationship can survive without trust, and the relationship will implode. In our human, spiritual goal of per-FECT-ing ourselves, part of our journey is to learn to treat others with more kindness and goodness, and our relationships are the playgrounds and classrooms for that learning experience. I would hope that we would all strive to unflinchingly do our best to treat the ones we love in a way that does not hurt them. (And even the people we do not “love”…)

    Evil (from day #1): “It is hard and sometimes frustration overcomes the traveller who then thinks ‘sod it’ I’ll look out for me and me only.” These are the people who are truly evil (if true evil exists, which was, in part, the whole question behind the post, and I’ve come to believe it does exist). I think most of us are doing the best we can with what we are given, but someone with that stated attitude is making a CHOICE to do evil. Not doing her/his best.

    Balance sheet: If evil exists, which I believe it does, then the question is, “Why?” We have our “personal” balance sheets, and there is, perhaps, I hope, the cosmic, spiritual balance sheet. Otherwise, life seems kind of meaningless to me. Perhaps evil exists to teach us to per-FECT us? Encountering it has certainly been a learning and growth experience for me! Still, as embodied souls, we are accountable for our balance sheets, and we have the wrongs that were done to us for which we suffer, and the wrongs we do to others, for which we cause their suffering. Yes, good or evil, we may all be doing “our part” in “bringing true equilibrium to the ultimate balance sheet.” But if that ultimate goal is toward more kindness and love, an evolution of the human condition, and a better world, then we ought to tilt, as best we can, toward contributing to the good. This is particularly true for the ones who CHOOSE to do evil. But, of course, here we get into the philosophical question of free will vs determinism.

    “I always feel that anything I have suffered in this life time has meant a better time for some other soul, somewhere in the long term ‘financial calculations’ of the balance sheet.” I carry that same hope!! But at the same time, I’m learning that I’m disrespecting myself, and “doing evil” to myself by continually allowing myself to set aside my own needs and wants. I am as deserving of good as everyone else.

    My posts and my healing have played out in the context of my personal experiences. In one infamous incident with my wife, who was asking me for more money, I said to her, “Are you asking me to impale myself on trust again?” And she said, “Yes, I’m asking you to impale yourself on trust again.” And so on the 1% chance she was telling me the truth, and trying to do the good and right thing, I sent her money — only to find out that I’d been scammed AGAIN.

    “The ones we love do not hurt us, we allow ourselves to be hurt by them. It is a sort of mutual permission highway where a subliminal authorisation is given one to the other to abuse or be abused…” This is the one point that I emphatically do not agree with. The kind of “evil” and “abuse” I’m talking about comes skulking in disguise, through lies and deception. If we are being deceived, then we do not (yet) know we are being abused. If we do not know, we cannot give permission. There are levels of knowing — a child certainly lacks the maturity to consent to be abused. It takes time to mature and “to know.” It will take longer for someone who grew up with abuse to recognize that they are being abused in adult relationships. But the “knowing” is hampered by the lies and deception. Even when we “know” on some level, we do not want to believe that someone who claimed to love us could treat us in such ways. We have to battle our way through the fog of deception into clear-seeing. Even then, we have to wage battles with the lingering cognitive dissonance. The result is a lot of pondering and thinking about the nature of good vs evil. Once we *do* know, then we can be accused of consenting to the abuse if we allow it to continue. But “knowing” comes in gradations.

    There’s a book I read in college called “How Real is Real?” by Paul Watzlawick. This book was seminal in forming my world view, and deals with how we “know” what we “know.” Another thorny philosophical topic…

    In any case, I won’t take responsibility for anything I’ve just written, as I’ve only just awakened, and I’m gobsmacked that I’m even able to sit upright. 🙂

    Thanks for commenting.


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