So if you’ve been following my sad saga, you know about the Big Lie. To recap briefly, near the beginning of my relationship with my wife, I had asked her if she owned her home. I couldn’t have cared less if she lived in a cardboard box! But I knew that relationships go wrong sometimes, even when we don’t want them to, and i didn’t want to find myself put out on the street in a foreign country with no home to return to if things went bad. My offer to Paula was that if she owned her home, then I would pay her half the value of the home in exchange for having my name put on the deed. If she rented, then we’d get a new lease in both names. Or we’d buy a new home together, or rent a new apartment with both names on the lease…
Paula chose to tell a lie — she said she owned her home. After this conversation, the topic went on the back-burner until after we were married and I had to apply for my spousal visa with the UK Border Agency. One of the absolute requirements of the application process was that I had to submit proof of where I would be living. Which meant I needed an official copy of the deed to Paula’s house.
There began my long months of anguish. Paula first told me that her father held the deed to her house in a safe at his home. She would ask him for it, and she would FedEx it to me. I waited. Next, she told me that her father had not found the deed in his safe, and thought it was in his safety deposit box at his bank. I waited. Now Paula told me her parents had taken some papers to her sister in Canada, and the deed to her house had accidentally been amongst those papers. She said she’d have her sister courier it back to her, and then she would FedEx it on to me. I waited.
Between each escalating lie, Paula would “disappear” for days at a time, and when I was finally back in touch with her, she would be angry, screaming at me for not trusting her. She began to urge me to submit the visa application without the required documentation. But the rules plainly stated that if all required documentation was not included, the application would be automatically denied, with no refund. The cost of the spousal visa application at that time was $1,300. I refused to submit the application without the deed, have it rejected, and then submit a new application at a cost of an additional $1,300.
I’d staggered through these early lies, and made my longest trip to the UK from October 2010 through early January 2011. I can’t recall which stage of the cascading lies we were at by then, but I had hoped to return with the deed, and all remaining documentation. It was on this trip that Paula printed up and signed her sponsor letter, and gave me all the necessary documents aside from the deed.
Sponsor Letter – Page 1 (I have erased details that would violate WordPress terms and conditions):
Sponsor Letter – Page 2 — this is THE critical page, because this is where Paula states she owns her home, with a mortgage through Regent:
Sponsor Letter – Page 3:
Sponsor Letter – Page 4:
Sponsor Letter – Page 5:
You’ll notice that the date of the letter is January 5, 2011 — so already almost 6 months after we were married. This is when Paula really began pressuring me to submit the application as it was, without the deed to her house, but I still adamantly refused. So now, Paula claimed that the deed that had been taken to her sister in Canada by mistake, and had been “stolen” by her sister. Her sister had contacted the Land Registry Office in the UK and had had the property changed into her sister’s name!
But before all that, I began to suspect that Paula was telling me many, many lies. I started putting Google to use, and found an interesting article in a British newspaper: Shoreham mum says council put her family at risk. Well, this article was clearly about my wife, and it clearly stated that she was renting a council house. I confronted Paula about the newspaper article, and her explanation was that she had started out renting the house, but she had bought the house from the local council. I did some research, and indeed, it did seem possible that a renter could buy a council house. So I remained very confused about why my wife wasn’t sending me the damn deed so we could be together as husband and wife, but I was mostly believing her and taking what she said at face value. It was only after she told me her sister had “stolen” her house, that I was 99.9% certain she was lying. Yet I’d never encountered anyone who could lie on such a scale, and I so wanted to believe her….
So, I soldiered on, and Paula next told me she’d made a visit to the Land Registry Office, and had cleared up everything. Her sister had been arrested by Canadian authorities and was being extradited back to the UK for prosecution, and she now had the deed corrected and back in hand. To prove it to me, she flashed an envelope in front of the Skype camera, but not close enough that I could read the writing.
Then came a few more go-rounds with her promising to FedEx the deed to me, which never materialized. And then her infamous visit to the United States in February 2011 for her birthday and Valentine’s day, at my expense of course, in which she was going to hand-carry the deed to me. Here’s a picture of Paula blowing out candles on the birthday cake I’d gotten her:
First thing I wanted to do hen Paula arrived was to get out the deed and submit the spousal visa application. Now 7 months since we’d been married, and every day was stretching out the misery. Paula said, “No, honey, let’s just relax and enjoy each others’ company for a few days.” I was now afraid of what I was going to find out, so I didn’t insist, and we had her birthday celebration.
But finally, I did persist, and Paula went into my bedroom, and I heard her rummaging around in her suitcase. She came back into the living room where I was anxiously waiting and said, “It’s not there!” Me, “What do you mean, it’s not there?” Paula proceeded to explain, “When Annie was picking me up to take me to the airport, my suitcase fell open. I asked her if she’d picked up everything, and she said she had. It’s probably lying in the front garden.”
Paula makes a show of telephoning her oldest daughter. I don’t know if her daughter was on the line (and a party to her lies) or if Paula was only acting. She instructed her daughter, “Go out in the front garden and look around and see if you can find an envelope.” I’m incredulous. The wind, rain, and snow in the UK that time of year…. Any envelope out in that weather would be obliterated to smithereens or blown away. Paula, “Oh, you found it! Put it in a drawer where it will be safe, honey.”
Of course, I’m beside myself, upset, in disbelief. Couldn’t comprehend. This woman was my wife who I loved with all my heart. What was going on? Paula said she’d FedEx me the deed as soon as she got home, but we’d already been around that bend. So she said, “As soon as I arrive at Heathrow, I’ll have Annie immediately take me to the Land Registry Office in Luton, and get another copy, and overnight it to you.”
On Paula’s departure, my friend R helped me get Paula to Dulles for her flight. She whispered to me that she needed some money. I said, “How much money do you need?” She backed away from me because R was overhearing our conversation. I said, “I can’t give you money if I don’t know how much you need.” Paula wouldn’t talk to me. Instead, she stood at a distance and texted me that she didn’t want to talk about money in front of R, but she’d need money to have the deed sent to me by FedEx. So we went to an ATM machine, and if my memory is correct, I withdrew $200 and handed her the wad of cash. R was a witness to all this. So Paula not only lied to me about not owning the house, she basically extorted money from me on the pretext of sending me the nonexistent deed to her house!
I asked Paula to contact me as soon as her flight landed, and to text me the FedEx tracking number. Of course, I didn’t hear from her for days. All attempts to reach her gone unanswered. When she finally “reappeared,” she screamed at me as usual. So much abuse I took! Paula said Annie was tired when she picked Paula up from the airport, and so they didn’t go to Luton. But she now had the deed…. and so more go-rounds with FedEx.
I’m telling you, if I ever hear the word “FedEx” again, I will become a raving lunatic!
And so it droned on until late in the spring when quite by accident I have a Facebook conversation with Paula’s cousin, who wanted to know when I would be moving to the UK to be with Paula. Which is when I said, “I’d be there now if she would only send me the deed to her house.” Which was when I finally learned the truth.
Now, you might call me an idiot or a fool, and I’ll own up to that. But i loved my wife, I really did. Even after all these lies, I still sold my home and moved to the UK to be with her, sacrificing everything. When I took those vows, I meant them. But what would you call a woman who claimed to love someone and yet treated them in such a way? My opinion: a psychopath.
And as you can see, she not only repeatedly lied to me, my wife was also quite prepared to defraud the UK government.
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