Although I have promised and plan to focus on many topics in my blog, to date, I have largely discussed the problem of psychopathy, sharing aspects of my personal experience. Why? The public perception of psychopathy, until very recently, has been skewed. The media have presented the public with images of Ted Bundy and other notorious serial killers. Some of the most notorious cases are likely not even true psychopaths, but deranged individuals who carry out heinous acts, utterly unspeakable, which may be driven by psychosis or motives other than lack of conscience.
All psychopaths are not criminals or serial killers. You may find them in your family, living in your neighborhood, at your place of employment, or God forbid, sleeping in the bed beside you as your spouse. The public (meaning you) should be aware that psychopaths can slip into your life through deception, and unless you are informed, you may find yourself victimized in ways you cannot imagine.
Becoming romantically involved with a psychopath will break your heart. This will not come in the form of a “normal” heartbreak, where a couple grows apart, encounters differences that cannot be reconciled, or find that their life goals are not compatible. Couples split for many reasons, but the worse split is when you learn your partner is not what s/he represented, that the whole relationship was a lie and a deception, and that there was never any love. You will find yourself in financial ruin, emotional collapse, and spiritual crisis. You will find that you were “set up” from the beginning for the fall you will take. A bitter and rank pill to swallow when you have sacrificed everything for the most ordinary of human aspirations — a loving partner or spouse.
People who have not encountered this first-hand will not understand what you are going through. Some of your friends may have seen the red flags and warned you. They will not comprehend why you “allowed” the relationship to progress. Others will have been as blinkered by the psychopath as you were.
The problem is not you. Psychopaths are known to be charming, and a trained psychiatrist can fall victim to them in their personal lives, or even in mental health settings. The psychopath is adroit at deception, lying, gas-lighting, and emotional manipulation. The psychopath will study you, their intended victim, intensely. You will be flattered by this attention, taking it as a sign that they truly care about you, crave to know you, and have fallen in love with you. You will feel as if you have been put on a pedestal, and we all want to be sincerely loved for who we are. But unfortunately, this high-beam of flattery, attention, and false promises is not benevolent. The psychopath is studying you closely to determine your cherished dreams, your fears and flaws, and your human weaknesses — which will all be used against you.
Once your deepest dreams are known, the psychopath will present an expertly crafted mask to embody your dreams. It doesn’t come from love, but from the pre-determined plan to allure you and reel you in. If you are passionate about politics, they will become your parrot. If you have always wanted to be a musician, they will give you encouragement and accolades for your talent. Their goal is to get you under their control so that they can get what they want. They might want your money, they might want your professional contacts. They might want to bask in the light of your accomplishments. Or they might want to toy with you for the sheer joy of it all. They may be using you to enhance their public persona. But once you have been ensnared, the mask will fall. Then your weaknesses and flaws will be used to extract from you their original goal. And then, once you are no longer useful, you will be discarded. Usually, another victim will have already taken your place. Where once they heralded how wonderful you were, how you were soul mates, how you fulfilled their every desire, quite suddenly you will carry the blame for every single thing that went wrong. They will launch smear campaigns against you. Often, the smear campaigns will have been put in place behind your back long before the discard. You will discover that you have been told nothing but lies, and that they have cheated on you. You will wonder how and why the blissful future that was promised turned to ashes.
This is all standard fare for anyone who has done a cursory amount of reading about psychopathy. But psychopaths are psychopaths, which means that they have zero conscience. Sometimes, the story doesn’t end so “pleasantly” with a typical discard. When I was pushed to the point of overdose and was on life-support, my wife was busy calling my friends to find out if she could inherit my estate since my last will still left everything to my former partner. She even admitted to me having contacted an attorney to find out her “rights.” Very chilling. I was lucky to have escaped, but was left with the question, “How far would my wife have gone?”
Although not all psychopaths are the serial killers portrayed in popular media, some of them do murder their spouses. We can share warning signs and red flags to help us identify psychopaths, but it is hard for someone who has been murdered to tell us if there were clues to their impending fate. Now that people are becoming more aware of the problem of psychopathy, a number of cases come to mind.
I have previously mentioned some cases that have garnered attention. Although no murder was involved, one case that has caused a stir on more than one continent is the case of Mischele Lewis and Will Jordan. Few people will have forgotten the tragic murder of Laci Peterson by Scott Peterson, along with their unborn child, Connor. A case that hits a little closer to home for me, since it involves a British man, is that of Neil Entwistle, who murdered his wife Rachel, and their infant daughter, Lily Rose.
I have also previously posted a link to the blog by Cappuccino Queen whose toddler was murdered by her psychopathic husband.
The Investigation Discovery channel, broadcast in the US, has done a series of episodes on Handsome Devils that highlight the worst outcome of a marriage or romantic relationship with a psychopath. Please keep in mind that there are both male and female psychopaths.
In focusing on psychopathy, I hope that some victims will be spared the heartbreak. But I would also like to emphasize that if one suspects one is involved with a psychopath, sometimes the devastation goes beyond the heartbreak. This is food for serious thought. If you’ve seen the red flags, or if a previous victim has tried to warn you, please take heed. The biggest red flags of a psychopath in a romantic relationship is constant lying, deception, secrecy, and quite typically, cheating.
The tedious ads are annoying, but the Investigation Discovery channel gives some preview clips of their episodes here.
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