Joyce Short was kind enough to comment on one of my blog posts, providing a link to her own writing and website dealing with rape by fraud. I had already referenced the case of William Allen Jordan who has been arrested and who was awaiting trial on charges of 2nd Degree Sexual Assault by Coercion, Robbery by Fraud and Impersonating an Officer. I do not know the current status of the case, but I hope the charges are upheld by the Grand Jury.
Loving and intimate relationships are based on trust, and psychopaths prey upon our natural trust. Society could not function without basic trust. Psychopaths lie, employ deception, omit and distort facts, and present a false facade. This is disastrous for the targeted victim, and corrodes the social fabric as a whole. We expect our intimate partners to be truthful and honest about who they are and about facts and circumstances that will have an impact on our lives. Rape by fraud is not so different in many respects from someone who has AIDS failing to disclose this fact. It is also akin to someone beginning a new relationship, claiming to be single or divorced, while in fact, they are married. Hearts and homes get broken. Health is shattered and lives are put at risk. These are actions that should not go unpunished. Perpetrators of deception should be held accountable.
In my particular case, my wife told me that she owned her home. We were married under that fraudulent deception. In one sense, this might not seem like a “huge deal,” but the ramifications were far-reaching. Since I was an American citizen and resident and she was a British citizen and resident, for us to live together as husband and wife, I would have to obtain a spousal visa from the UK Border Agency to move to the UK. A mandatory requirement of obtaining a spousal visa is providing proof of where one will be living in the United Kingdom. And since my wife had lied, and continued to lie, there was no hope of us living together as married, as things stood. Fraud!
And it wasn’t just fraud against me — it was fraud against the UK government. My wife attempted to persuade me to submit my spousal visa application to the UK Border Agency without the required documentation. She wrote and signed a sponsor letter stating that she owned her home and attested that she held a mortgage from a lender called Regency. I still have that letter and will scan and upload it in a future post.
Meanwhile, I waited for endless months, confused as to why she was not providing a copy of the (nonexistent) deed to her house so that we could be together. The excuses and lies escalated to the point of being ridiculous, and she never admitted the truth. I only found out when one of her relatives asked me when I was going to move across the ocean to be with her. I told her relative that I’d would be there already, if my wife would only send the deed to her house so I could submit my spousal visa application. That’s when I finally learned the truth — and when confronted, my wife had no choice but to admit she’d lied. She didn’t own her house — she lived in a council house!!
Due to her endless lies, an entire year of my life was wasted, with much distress, and I was not able to move to the UK for a full year after we were married. Permission for me to live in her council house was granted, and a new sponsor letter was written and signed by her which was now truthful. My spousal visa was then lawfully obtained.
I wish that I had been schooled in the deceptions and machinations of psychopaths, and I would have been spared much suffering, loss, threats, fear, and heartbreak. But like most of us, I took my vows seriously and proceeded against my better judgment. When someone has told you that they love you like none other, that this is “forever,” that you are soul mates destined to be together, and they ply you with romantic songs, the cognitive dissonance is excruciating. You want to believe, yet you sense something is very wrong.
Let it be a warning when actions and words don’t watch, when you feel like a moth drawn to a flame, and yet you feel an uneasy sense of foreboding. Listen to your gut instincts and honor them.
Here is Joyce Short’s blog on Rape by Deception.
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