There’s an interesting and comprehensive website on lying, infidelity, love and romance called Truth About Deception. See in particular the article Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? The author writes:
If you don’t (or can’t) change the underlying reasons why a spouse cheated in the first place, it will most likely happen again. Typically, the best indicator of a partner’s future behavior is his or her past behavior.
It’s conventional wisdom that the best predictor of a person’s future behavior is their past behavior. People do cheat for many reasons, some more blameworthy than others. But in thinking about marriage, fidelity, relationships, and sacred vows, and most clearly, when dealing with a psychopath, one enters a whole new realm. Cheating implies deception, and with a psychopath, the cheating is not only a deception — their entire persona is a fraud.
In relating the story of what happened to me, I’d like to tie together several strands, some previously mentioned. When I met my wife, she told me she was divorced. Her prior husband was Lotfi. Paula and I had met on Facebook in mid-July of 2009. We were married the following year, in July of 2010. I never saw an actual divorce decree. When we were married at the Prince George’s County Courthouse in Upper Marlboro, Maryland, she was required to bring proof of her divorce.
From memory, what she brought with her was not an actual divorce decree, but a xeroxed copy of a supposed court document stating that a divorce between Paula and Lotfi was “due to be entered,” and hence, I presume, not yet final. The date of the document was toward the end of July 2009. What this implies is that Paula was not legally divorced at the time she represented to me that she was in fact divorced. At the time, I wasn’t thinking about dates and timelines, and had no idea of all the lies and deceptions that would follow — but I am now!
What does this mean? It might be hair-splitting, but if I am accurate, she was technically cheating on Lotfi when my wife inserted herself into my life. But it goes much further than this. In a previous post, I wrote about finding countless dating websites where my wife had posted profiles. I found those dating profiles when I began to suspect that my wife-to-be was not telling me the truth about many things — and yet the pieces were too disjointed to put together in coherent fashion at the time. I naively ignored the red flags. I have previously posted links to those dating profiles, and they can be found in Google searches. I’m a little more savvy now, and the morass of deception has fallen into place.
If you refer back to the various dating profiles my wife created on numerous sites, you will see that she advertised herself as divorced and available in 2006!!! When she was still married to Lotfi!!! Paula and Lotfi were married in 2001 and divorced in 2009.
So if Paula was “technically” cheating on Lotfi with me when we met in 2009, she was definitely cheating on Lotfi in 2006!!
I can’t speak about whether Paula cheated on her first husband, Hussain Majeed. I was told stories by various of her family members, but that will remain on the shelf for now.
What I can speak about is Paula cheating on me. I do not know the first woman’s name, but I have Paula’s admission, the corroboration of her family members, and the photographic proof:
This wouldn’t matter to me so much if the marriage was truly over. Yes, I’d fled back to the United States after the death of my dog in Paula’s care. But Paula was still leading me to believe that she wanted me to return to England, that our marriage was alive and well, and that she still loved me. It was deception heaped upon deception.
Then we fast-forward to the spring of 2013. You can read about it in my blog post, Discard. I won’t repeat the sordid details, only to say that Paula was begging me to “just get on a plane” and come back to her. I came very close to selling a second home, forfeiting everything, and returning to the viper pit. Of course, she hadn’t bothered to tell me that she was simultaneously already involved with yet another woman, Cassie AKA Claire:
I don’t know if Paula told Claire about me, and that we were still married. Perhaps she lied to Claire and told her we were divorced, as she had done to me with regard to Lotfi. But Paula and i are still legally married. I’m sure Paula didn’t tell Claire that she was actively campaigning to get me to return to the UK. It’s really hard to determine if Paula was cheating on me with Claire, or whether Paula was cheating on Claire with me, but cheating she was!
Once a cheater, always a cheater? You bet!!!