No Family

Most people don’t know what it is like to have NO family.  There are good, sound families and there are dysfunctional families.  But the concept of _NO_ family is foreign.  People have grandparents, brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, spouses, children, in-laws, etc, right?  No, not all of us!!

I was an only child.  My only surviving grandparent, my maternal grandfather, died when I was two years old.  My father died when I was 5 years old.  My last surviving uncle passed away in 2003.  Most of them had died in the 1980’s and 1990’s.  I have a plethora of cousins, but for most of them, the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th generation, I’ve never met them.  For my 1st cousins, I don’t know their addresses or telephone numbers or email addresses.  I don’t know exactly where they live and have never been invited to their homes.

I was denied a spouse, because I grew up thinking I was a lesbian, while in fact, I was transgendered.  I knew this from the time I was 3 years old, but there was no cognitive ability to understand it, and no realistic ability to overcome it.  So, I repressed it.  But nothing mattered to me more than family, the one thing I was denied.

Eventually, what could be repressed no longer rose to the surface, and I successfully transitioned from female to male.  Oh, yes, it was medically and legally recognized, with all the prescribed letters of approval, the surgeries, and the hormone treatments.  The transition was recognized on my birth certificate, my state non-driver’s ID (since I’m also visually impaired), and on my passport, as well as by the Social Security Administration.

Well I’d lost my dad’s side of the family already because he’d made the faux pas of marrying a non-Catholic while he was 1st-generation Italian-American.  My mother was so narcissistic, and I was so much under her thumb, that she’d impeded me becoming close to her side of the family.  My “lesbian” relationships had gone wrong because they were still taboo.  So, I was totally alone.

And then I met Paula Khier — or Paula Simmons — or whatever her name is….  And she took me as I was, body as whole as medical science and legal documents could make it, with my vision impairment, and every other travail I’d undergone.  I thought the Red Sea had parted and Fate had shifted in my direction.  Only to find myself more hurt and decimated than ever….

So how do you glue back together a life so shattered???  To build a house, you must have the first brick in the foundation.  I think I might have found a cracked brick or two.  But I’m still struggling.  How do you go for years on end without a hug?  Without a birthday remembered?  I don’t know, but I’m still feebly trying.  There’s a contact form in my About page.  If any of this resonates with you, please write to me and let me know.  If anything I’ve written has touched your heart, I need to know.  Please “like” and subscribe to my blog.  I have a heck of a lot more to share, if only I know someone is listening and cares.

Thank you, from the bottom (and top) of my heart.

This is me wearing my adored Marine hat at about age 8.

Terry in Marine Hat

 

 

IMPORTANT NOTE:  All views are an expression of my opinion only.

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About DogDharma

Dog Dharma is written by a human who loves dogs and who believes dogs have attained enlightenment. The human behind Dog Dharma came from humble origins, has faced many trials, enjoyed many adventures, and taken a path less traveled. He claims no special privilege or expertise, and remains humble. Dog Dharma‘s author has learned a few things along the way, and has much yet to learn. He has been told by many people that he has a talent for writing, and aspires to write a book, but is a little too lazy and disorganized, so his blog will suffice for now. He opens a window into his life in the hope that some of his words may be of comfort, some may be a beacon or warning, and perhaps he will connect with like-minded souls. Everything shared comes from a place of openness and honesty, but with no claim that he possesses the Truth. People and places mentioned should be taken as pseudonyms. In many cases, details may be an amalgamation of actual events disguised to protect the “innocent.” Nothing written is to be taken as actual fact, but as the author of Dharma Dog‘s limited understanding. From the mouths of the Beatles: In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make
This entry was posted in FTM, living without family, loneliness, lonely, no family, Paula Khier, Paula Simmons, Paula Vanzetti, psychopath, psychopathy, transgender, transgendered, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to No Family

  1. Tam says:

    I know how you feel. You are resilient and deserve to be happy with the family you choose to build.

    Like

    • DogDharma says:

      Thank you, for the comment and the sentiment, Tam. And thank you for reading. I’d glad I’m not alone in “getting” this, but sorry than you “know how I feel,” because I guess that means you’ve been through it, too.

      Like

  2. Jamie Ray says:

    I cringed when I read “going years without a hug” because I remember that from my adolescence. I hid within my fantasies, and didn’t start dealing with my trans-ness until my late forties. Glad you are telling your story here.

    Like

    • DogDharma says:

      Jamie, thank you for reading and commenting. I hope you have plenty of hugs now. I didn’t begin transitioning until my early 40’s and that’s long behind me now. And one of the best decisions I ever made, to follow my heart and my soul. Now I’m still lacking hugs because I don’t have any family. But I’m trying to learn to hug myself, and my dogs do a pretty good job of helping. I wish you well!!!

      Like

  3. anne.chase@aol.com says:

    I am so sorry for all you have endured. I too know what its like to go for years without a hug. I wish all of us who suffer could come together and live together in peace free from hurt that the outside world who doesn’t understand us and our pain. I wish you peace and joy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • DogDharma says:

      Thank you for your comment and thank you for reading. I wish you peace and joy. I dream of a world where we can all live together in peace and understanding. One step at a time, on heart educated, and it will happen. This is my hope and my dream and why I am sharing. ❤

      Like

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