Someone sent me the following. I don’t know who wrote it, and I so can’t give attribution. But it’s a wonderful glimpse into how a narcissist or psychopath operates, and how an innocent victim can be ensnared while not realizing what is happening to her or him (being a little anal-retentive, I’ve slightly edited for spelling and grammatical clarity):
When we meet, you are going to have your reservations about me. This is understandable since I seem cold and fish like. Still, either because of my good looks, good job, or other self proclaimed glory, you are going to give me the benefit of the doubt and see if I grow on you. Boy will I!!! You don’t know this but I am studying you intensely. I plan on personality mirroring you so that I can be your perfect mate. You wanna go sky diving?? Me too! You volunteered in Tanzania? I am a travel buff and I live for volunteer work! Do I like volunteering? NO. The idea of “giving” something away without anything in return is absurd to me. But you don’t need to know that. Get my drift?
No, you are starting to think, huh, we have a lot in common. This is where I begin to drop my love bombs, I make a huge verbal fuss about how much you mean to me, how perfect we are together, how somehow we were destined to meet.
You are unsure about this because my physical demeanor is still cold and somehow my words don’t seem to match what my body and eyes are saying, but still you think, maybe i am just one of those people that takes a while to open up.
You ignore the fact that it took no time for my mouth to open up.
I begin to dole out highly calculated amounts of love bombing, be sure that even though I say this is some “Whirlwind romance” that every. Single. Thing. I do is HIGHLY calculated. I measure it and you WILL be paying me back for this. After all I give NOTHING away for free.
I resent you right now, while you are falling in love, and you don’t even know it. I deeply resent you because i had to grovel in this manner to get you to love me, i resent you even more because you CAN love. I am developing deep-seated roots of hate for you. I’m just about ready to peak.
Well, now aren’t you all cozy in our little love nest. Look, you’ve overcome your initial impression of me and you’ve created an illusion of who i am in your mind, and I’ve maybe helped a little bit with that.
HA. You have no idea whats coming next, look at you all completely idiotically unaware. Here comes my favorite part. I call it: Paying the bill.
Now, rather you meant to or not, you have just done something with me that I don’t much approve of. In normal relationships this might be called a “first fight.”
For me, this is much more like dropping the fucking Nagasaki bomb. I am gonna be an ENTIRELY different person, and I am going to use the me you think you know as a leverage point. You can’t just invalidate me, hell we are practically the same person! My points are valid! And during this argument I am going to be cruel, ruthless, unforgiving, and you are going to feel water-boarded.
See, I’m doing all this to fuck with your mind. You aren’t going to be thinking about if you should be keeping me or not when you feel like everything is falling to bits in one epic storm. You are just going to go into survival mode. Survival mode makes you cling to what you think you are losing. You are panicking and not thinking clearly. You are in my perfect hook!!
Now, you are going to spend the entire relationship trying to find that old me again. The times you aren’t busy looking for that person, you’re going to be spending busy groveling to me. So busy you don’t have much time for self respect or reflection on if this is even what you want. I am going to keep you VERY busy.
Now if you do try to leave, don’t worry i have a plan for that too! I am going to bring out the “old me,” that person i created at the beginning. I’m going to play really nice and act like this was all a misunderstanding. I am going to make YOU feel like the jerk, the assumptive, villainous jerk who didn’t trust the person they loved. I am going to beg, grovel, explain away everything with word salad. You’re used to eating that, I am just going to sprinkle in some sugar in there this time.
Now that you’re back off the ledge of leaving me… You are going to PAY for that. How DARE you TRY TO LEAVE ME. Do you know who I AM???? I am a CATCH. What is wrong with you? What makes YOU this way?
You thought you were in shit before, boy hold on because we are going into overdrive. I now know my patterns work with you, when you try to leave i know exactly how to make you stay, this gives me IMMENSE freedom.
By now you’re not feeling like yourself. you feel lousy and beaten down. You just want a moment of peace. That’s what this has broken down into for you. You went from cozy little stupid love bird, to war victim, just begging for a warm nap and maybe a crumb of food.
Now, I ask you, who is going to want you the way you are?? NO ONE that’s who. You and I both know it. You are tied to me and you are damn lucky I put up with your sad ass. And what do you give me in return?? NOTHING! I am the one who constantly has to make these games, I am the one putting 110%, never mind its for sick purposes, but you’re just sitting there in survival mode and giving me LESS AND LESS SUPPLY.
This isn’t working FOR ME!! I NEED MORE!!!! Don’t you get it?? I am a catch! I can go out and get a fresh new one who looks WAY better than you in just a day. I might just do that. That would teach you wouldn’t it.
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