This blog post will be an interlude from “the story.” Somewhat. I would like to point out how psychopaths ferret out their victims’ deepest hopes and dreams in order to “hook” them. This is a critical piece of the trajectory of entanglement with a psychopath. Once they know what it is we treasure most, they will become that — or parrot it. We fall for the ploy because we do not understand that we are being deceived. We take what they say and present at face value. However, it has been carefully crafted to match exactly what we most want and need. Once we’ve “bought into” the facade, we are hooked, and they can extract from us whatever they want.
Once I realized my wife was a psychopath (stated as MY opinion, not fact), I was a bit astounded at the different images she had presented. Each one seemed to me to be geared toward engulfing a different victim. I would like to illustrate in photographs, limited though my selection might be.
My wife, Paula Simmons Khier, shared with me a few old photographs of herself. Others I found on numerous dating websites. Still others came from after I had fled the UK and returned to the United States. Here we go….
The first photograph is how my wife looked after the birth of her first daughter, Emma. This must have been how she looked when she was trolling for her next victim, and found Lotfi.
Next one is how my wife looked on my first trip to the UK to meet her in October 2009. This was taken on the London Eye. Notice her cleavage… Although it probably can’t be seen from the photo, the tattoo on he right breast is a teddy bear. The tattoo was part of her “love bombing.” It features a cuddly teddy bear with “Teddy” in cursive script beneath. Within a few weeks of meeting me on Facebook, Paula had gone out and had the tattoo done. I’d acquired the nickname “Teddy” from my Facebook friends. When she showed it to me on Skype, before having ever met me in person, but having declared that we were soul-mates, Paula said, “It is so you will always be close to my heart.” She presented the tattoo as if it was a grand gesture to demonstrate her love. However, I couldn’t help but think that a teddy bear is generic. If she had used my given name, it would have been different…
Off my intended topic, but momentarily going with the tattoo theme… For my birthday in October of 2011, Paula announced that she wanted to get me a tattoo. I scratched my head a little bit at the suggestion, but went along with it. Thankfully, I chose the Infinite Knot from Buddhism.
Apparently, Paula likes having her victims “marked” so they don’t forget her. After I had returned to the United States from the UK and finally discovered that she was involved with another woman (Claire, see below) while still simultaneously attempting to lure me back to the UK, I found that her next “partner” had been praised for getting a tattoo for Paula for Christmas 2013.
So, the next photograph is how my wife looked just before we were married (married July 2010). When I “met” her on Facebook, her hair was bleached blonde, and cut in the same style as in the above brunette picture — short, with longer hair toward the front. What’s interesting about this next one is that it was taken approximately 2 months before we were married. I had had a growing sense of dis-ease, fear, and apprehension. So I had begun Googling her name to see what I could find out. I had already uncovered several profiles on dating websites, but they seemed to be unused. However, I was taken aback to find a spanking new dating profile on Smooch in May 2010. I could tell it was new because in the profile picture, Paula was sitting in front of a just-purchased set of curtains.
The following is a screen shot of that dating profile on Smooch, with Paula sitting in front of the very same brand new curtains you see above.
Now we have a photograph of how my wife appeared in the month we were married — July 2010. She is standing in front of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, DC. Her look during *most* of her time with me had pretty much remained the same. But notice that she went from a “modest” long-haired brunette with subtle makeup to a shorter-haired vampish brunette with heavier makeup, to bleach blonde with varying makeup.
The following is how my wife looked after we were married. Still bleach blonde, but with better haircut. This photograph was taken after the Big Lie had been revealed — that she did not own her home in the UK. She was on a campaign to get me to move to the UK despite the lie. ~May 2011.
Now we have a photograph of how my wife looked after we were married, but before I moved to the UK. Paula had “decided” she was a lesbian. She had seen old pictures of me before I had transitioned, in which I had had my head shaved. The shaved head was a bit in vogue at the time I’d I’d adopted it, but I’d used it as a stepping stone toward transitioning. Apparently, this is how Paula thought lesbians looked…. She asked me to shave her head, and I accommodated. I put aside the concern about what it portended for our marriage, eager to support her. I was well aware of the issue of “coming out” later in life. In retrospect, what a sap!!
Next comes a picture of Paula I found on her MySpace account after I had fled back to the United States — May 2012. I guess Paula had given up her bald head, her “pure and innocent” brunette look, and her vampy bleached blonde look. Perhaps she thought younger lesbians went for darker hair, with streaks of maroon??
Well, that look didn’t hang around very long. Unbeknownst to me, Paula had already found her next victim, Claire Marshall, a lesbian. So presumably, Paula had adapted her appearance to echo what Claire would have wanted.
And finally, we have the most recent photograph of Paula…. Doesn’t have the lesbian finesse, does it? If I were Claire, I’d be concerned that I was about to be dumped for the next target, despite false promises of never-ending love….
Of course, we all change our appearance as we evolve. But usually, that change is about who we are becoming and not about who we are targeting. I can’t complain blithely, for my own “look” certainly changed when I transitioned from female to male. But my changes were consistent with the real soul of the self, not a facade. I will make no claims and leave it to judge for yourself. If you are with someone who makes the fuzz on your neck sometimes stand on end, heed that warning!